Regrets

I beat myself up for making a mistake.

Galeb said I should not even refer to myself as giving myself to someone, but I still feel it was a horrible mistake.
I've never "given" myslf to someone without getting to know them before. i want them to want me for who ia m, not what i look like. I made this stupid mistake once and its eating me up.
It's even worse becase the person doesn't see me for who I am. I'm just some stupid one night stand that didn't end up in several one nigh stands I assume.

It hurts. really bad. This might be because of my pride, but i've never let me guard down. I thought I'd make an exception and take everything as a fling and this person thinks I'm a liar and that I was sleeping around now. it hurts. I've been so fucking conservative ad now i slip once and it back lashes like this.
Morality isn't very kind when it comes to exceptions.

I don't know why i have such a hard time letting go. I guess it would be a lot easier letting go if this person didn't perceive me as a liar and a promiscuous person.
I've always had a hard time not being perceived as the way I am. Consequences haven't been this bad, cause I haven't set examples to give reason to confirm the status quo.

I wish i could stop suffering for the lesson i've learned, but it doesn't seem to dissipate. I doubt it will either. I'm pretty hard on myself.

Thank you Galeb for trying to help my self destructive personality. You're truly one of the most amazing people I know. i love you. Xoxo