Just a quick note of appreciation to Alessandro, Richard, David for helping me move and managing to get nearly everything over to Sami's within 3 hours and only two cars in two go's and Sami for having me :)
I'm in my new room and I feel very comfortable. This feels good :)
I will need a bit more help tomorrow. Richard is a sweet heart and offered to help me after playing games all day with his friend.
I need to get the fish tank over, 4 boxes from the attic that I will sort out and try to part from, NEED to find a nice closet and finally buy some paint at Flügger färg at some point, maybe Monday - or Sunday.
Tomorrow I will fix the holes in my "old" apartment and clean and finally, say goodbye to my lovely neighbour Tina.
Then Sami will show me how to maintain the newsletter for www.enkrona.se and we will send out a new shiny newsletter Andreas worked on all day - and bravely and make Ine happy ;)
The only person I am missing right now is Jeff, LA sushi and everything would be purrrfect.
Ok, i want Galeb, Joel and Omar here too...and I want them to meet my amazing friends here.
I'm a happy content and exhausted girl.
Good night!
Saturday, 29 November 2008
Saturday, 22 November 2008
Buddhism and relationships
I've started to realize what being a Buddhist really means.
I'm capable of making everyone around me happy, but getting attached, which is the one of the main milestones of achieving a balanced and harmonious life, means not getting attached.
I'm wondering if anyone, practicing Buddhism for more han 10 years can master a relationship and maintain fulfilled happiness with selfless attachment to bloody emotions.
I met the perfect guy in LA, we're absolutely infatuated with each other - unfortunately he is separated and *probably* getting a divorce. I say probably cause it seems highly likely - not based on wishful thinking or ignorance, but from how unhappy he has been with his wife.
This special person said i managed to change his life and I know how much we mean to each other as we speak at least once a day, but at the same time, I try keeping an open mind because a reconciliation might be likely despite it being highly unlikely. The percentage of highly unlikely is still very upsetting for me, because I am used to giving myself to everyone; friends, family, strangers and boyfriends. I don't expect anything back, but i guess at some point I even expect to have my happy ending. I don't get tired of making people happy, nor do I expect anything (or not much) back from people, but at some point seeing people run off after they've taken the best from you, is quite saddening.
I'm not sure to which percentage its about losing faith in the best of people, but maybe, in a subtle selfish way, I might hope that people invest a bit more time in me too. I don't expect gratitude for my actions, though awareness is appreciated.
When it comes to relationships, there's a mutual awareness and unconditional giving that comes with the territory if unconditional love has been achieved at some point. I'm not sure if I'm exhausted of giving and not getting much back or if I haven't learned the lesson well enough.
I know I am content with who I am and I know what I stand for. Even if these traits are not acknowledged, it doesn't make me unhappy as a person, but getting tramped on far too many times does lead to me feeling very, very small and worthless. Giving everything and not asking for anything, leads to a wall of pride if not dealt with carefully. Giving is not supposed to be an investment that will pay back in future.
I hope for that what I do, say and think will lead to better actions, mentally or socially in others. It's not about getting a reward for being a BFF or best girlfriend.
I'm crying a bit too much and have a hard time seeing and have lost the red thread.
I'm going to try visit the Buddhist temple after my move next weekend. Maybe I'll get some plausible answers to make life a bit easier/more comprehensible.
/Jasmin Fischer
I'm capable of making everyone around me happy, but getting attached, which is the one of the main milestones of achieving a balanced and harmonious life, means not getting attached.
I'm wondering if anyone, practicing Buddhism for more han 10 years can master a relationship and maintain fulfilled happiness with selfless attachment to bloody emotions.
I met the perfect guy in LA, we're absolutely infatuated with each other - unfortunately he is separated and *probably* getting a divorce. I say probably cause it seems highly likely - not based on wishful thinking or ignorance, but from how unhappy he has been with his wife.
This special person said i managed to change his life and I know how much we mean to each other as we speak at least once a day, but at the same time, I try keeping an open mind because a reconciliation might be likely despite it being highly unlikely. The percentage of highly unlikely is still very upsetting for me, because I am used to giving myself to everyone; friends, family, strangers and boyfriends. I don't expect anything back, but i guess at some point I even expect to have my happy ending. I don't get tired of making people happy, nor do I expect anything (or not much) back from people, but at some point seeing people run off after they've taken the best from you, is quite saddening.
I'm not sure to which percentage its about losing faith in the best of people, but maybe, in a subtle selfish way, I might hope that people invest a bit more time in me too. I don't expect gratitude for my actions, though awareness is appreciated.
When it comes to relationships, there's a mutual awareness and unconditional giving that comes with the territory if unconditional love has been achieved at some point. I'm not sure if I'm exhausted of giving and not getting much back or if I haven't learned the lesson well enough.
I know I am content with who I am and I know what I stand for. Even if these traits are not acknowledged, it doesn't make me unhappy as a person, but getting tramped on far too many times does lead to me feeling very, very small and worthless. Giving everything and not asking for anything, leads to a wall of pride if not dealt with carefully. Giving is not supposed to be an investment that will pay back in future.
I hope for that what I do, say and think will lead to better actions, mentally or socially in others. It's not about getting a reward for being a BFF or best girlfriend.
I'm crying a bit too much and have a hard time seeing and have lost the red thread.
I'm going to try visit the Buddhist temple after my move next weekend. Maybe I'll get some plausible answers to make life a bit easier/more comprehensible.
/Jasmin Fischer
Sunday, 16 November 2008
Rapist - to be or not to be?
I randomly checked articles about the Woodstock 99 festival with 4 women were allegedly raped and the rapists were seemingly cheered by bystanders.
I felt sick when I read that. A witness said:
What makes me even more sick is the thought, that if I would be raped in public, there would be people who would not help me. I think the bystander effect would make an already traumatic experience even worse.
I was sexually assaulted a couple of years back after New Years. Two of my friends and I were heading to Metro, they got into a fight and told me they'd possibly catch up later.
The walk was on Götgatan, one of the main streets of Stockholm, but that night everyone was walking on the other side of the road. I didn't bother to cross, not even after 4 guys walking behind me commented about my sexually appealing physical appearance. I assumed they were drunk Turkish boys who generally open their mouth far too much and try pick up lines on any Western looking girl in a short skirt and chose to ignore them, as this approach has proven itself quite effective.
It was incredibly slippery cause the snow had melted and frozen again, so walking was difficult. By the time I got to the end of the block, they suddenly pounced on me, pinning me against the wall and trying to grab me between my legs.
Despite being drunk, and being a very dominant person, I screamed at the them to get their filthy hands off me and that I would call the police and I was kicking, punching and elbowing as much as i could.
I'm guessing because it was so slippery and it was impossible to stand, that the weather saved me, because they were trying to pull me around the corner towards the dark alley.
I've heard from a friend that his friend was raped by a group of guys and there were girls watching too.
I'm writing this because it makes me sick to think that a group of men would condone their actions.
Is there some rapist gathering where people help each other out?
How do people get into this sutuation? And additionally girls?
Peer pressure is the first thing people will say. And girls in a group of gang rapists are scared of getting raped themselves if they do not cheer and support their male "friends".
Can't we instead of having self defense courses that only train us physically, help us psychologically?
Why not learn about typical traits a sexual offender has, what situations are potentially dangerous and how to avoid becoming victims of the bystander effect?
And why not teach girls how to grapple? Self defense courses don't teach us women what to do once we get knocked down, do they? That's the point where we're technically helpless and we should say "No" loud and clearly to reassure ourselves we made it clear that we do not want to sexual intercourse?
No wonder, I've never been tuned in for one night stands. The closest I've had is my past LA trip and that is only because it was a close friend of one of my friends and I was somewhere I felt safe. Enough of that though.
Eveytime I walk home alone, I have tear gas ready in my pocket. I am careful to listen to music as i do not want to appear distracted and be an easy target. I think about my route home or where I'm going and dress accordingly, not because short skirts make me look easier though!
I've read that rapists don't really pick you by your degree of slutty or how pretty you are. You just have to be at the wrong place, the wrong time and wear clothes that are easily ripped off or can be cut with a pair of scissors.
Rapists are practical. They don't like the girls who scream a lot, hurt them or are difficult in any way. Too much of a fight, isn't worth their effort. So kick, scratch, bite and scream!
I just read this very interesting article about a potential rapist profile. Check out the homepage, it is very informative.
Surprisingly enough it reconfirms some dreads and suspicions I used to have about one of my ex bf's, and quickly pushed aside as I felt guilty thinking that negatively about him. Typical female behaviour, right? ;)
A verbally aggressive boyfriend ho snapped when his hair didn't look perfect or things didn't go his way and had his physical tantrums every now and again that scared the living daylight out of me. He would talk badly about everyone, he barely had any friends and when I asked him what had happened he would list things they did to him to justify why he "freaked" out. Enough of him now. I'm guessing the smart move would have been to break up with him, when I started wondering if he was capable of hurting me, but i was gullible and loyal and decided to wait until something happened instead.
Another friend told me how her boyfriend told her that he was extremely jealous with an ex gf and how she brought out the worst in him. He physically abused her.
It's quite hard to know where one should draw the line.
I'm far too nice and i think everyone deserves another chance, or 5 or 10.
I presume that looking at the linguistic phrasing is a good way to detect if your potential new boyfriend deserves a chance in proving you wrong.
If he takes responsibility for his actions and says things like "I lost control, I was horrible and hurt her.." he really regrets and is ashamed for what he did.
If he says "She provoked me, she did this and that" he's pointing fingers and you should walk the other way.
I totally agree.
Now I've ranted and feel better.
I felt sick when I read that. A witness said:
"I saw someone push this girl into the mosh pit, a very skinny girl, maybe 90 to 100 pounds," Schneider said. "Then a couple of the guys started taking her clothes off – not so much her top but her bottom. They pulled her pants down and they were violating her, and they were passing her back and forth. There were five guys that were raping this girl and having sex with her."
What makes me even more sick is the thought, that if I would be raped in public, there would be people who would not help me. I think the bystander effect would make an already traumatic experience even worse.
I was sexually assaulted a couple of years back after New Years. Two of my friends and I were heading to Metro, they got into a fight and told me they'd possibly catch up later.
The walk was on Götgatan, one of the main streets of Stockholm, but that night everyone was walking on the other side of the road. I didn't bother to cross, not even after 4 guys walking behind me commented about my sexually appealing physical appearance. I assumed they were drunk Turkish boys who generally open their mouth far too much and try pick up lines on any Western looking girl in a short skirt and chose to ignore them, as this approach has proven itself quite effective.
It was incredibly slippery cause the snow had melted and frozen again, so walking was difficult. By the time I got to the end of the block, they suddenly pounced on me, pinning me against the wall and trying to grab me between my legs.
Despite being drunk, and being a very dominant person, I screamed at the them to get their filthy hands off me and that I would call the police and I was kicking, punching and elbowing as much as i could.
I'm guessing because it was so slippery and it was impossible to stand, that the weather saved me, because they were trying to pull me around the corner towards the dark alley.
I've heard from a friend that his friend was raped by a group of guys and there were girls watching too.
I'm writing this because it makes me sick to think that a group of men would condone their actions.
Is there some rapist gathering where people help each other out?
How do people get into this sutuation? And additionally girls?
Peer pressure is the first thing people will say. And girls in a group of gang rapists are scared of getting raped themselves if they do not cheer and support their male "friends".
Can't we instead of having self defense courses that only train us physically, help us psychologically?
Why not learn about typical traits a sexual offender has, what situations are potentially dangerous and how to avoid becoming victims of the bystander effect?
And why not teach girls how to grapple? Self defense courses don't teach us women what to do once we get knocked down, do they? That's the point where we're technically helpless and we should say "No" loud and clearly to reassure ourselves we made it clear that we do not want to sexual intercourse?
No wonder, I've never been tuned in for one night stands. The closest I've had is my past LA trip and that is only because it was a close friend of one of my friends and I was somewhere I felt safe. Enough of that though.
Eveytime I walk home alone, I have tear gas ready in my pocket. I am careful to listen to music as i do not want to appear distracted and be an easy target. I think about my route home or where I'm going and dress accordingly, not because short skirts make me look easier though!
I've read that rapists don't really pick you by your degree of slutty or how pretty you are. You just have to be at the wrong place, the wrong time and wear clothes that are easily ripped off or can be cut with a pair of scissors.
Rapists are practical. They don't like the girls who scream a lot, hurt them or are difficult in any way. Too much of a fight, isn't worth their effort. So kick, scratch, bite and scream!
I just read this very interesting article about a potential rapist profile. Check out the homepage, it is very informative.
Surprisingly enough it reconfirms some dreads and suspicions I used to have about one of my ex bf's, and quickly pushed aside as I felt guilty thinking that negatively about him. Typical female behaviour, right? ;)
A verbally aggressive boyfriend ho snapped when his hair didn't look perfect or things didn't go his way and had his physical tantrums every now and again that scared the living daylight out of me. He would talk badly about everyone, he barely had any friends and when I asked him what had happened he would list things they did to him to justify why he "freaked" out. Enough of him now. I'm guessing the smart move would have been to break up with him, when I started wondering if he was capable of hurting me, but i was gullible and loyal and decided to wait until something happened instead.
Another friend told me how her boyfriend told her that he was extremely jealous with an ex gf and how she brought out the worst in him. He physically abused her.
It's quite hard to know where one should draw the line.
I'm far too nice and i think everyone deserves another chance, or 5 or 10.
I presume that looking at the linguistic phrasing is a good way to detect if your potential new boyfriend deserves a chance in proving you wrong.
If he takes responsibility for his actions and says things like "I lost control, I was horrible and hurt her.." he really regrets and is ashamed for what he did.
If he says "She provoked me, she did this and that" he's pointing fingers and you should walk the other way.
A shark is a shark whether he is peacefully swimming or attacking. Just because you haven't been attacked, doesn't mean he can't or won't. You either haven’t had anything he wants or you haven’t been in a situation with him where he could successfully act.
I totally agree.
Now I've ranted and feel better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
